Nobel Peace Prize, by Michael Brenner

A Norwegian acquaintance of mine, whose brother-in-law sits on the Nobel Peace Prize award committee, has passed on information about the likely recipient. The inside position for this year’s award is held by Joe Biden. Not that astonishing when you reflect on it. Consider the salutary consequences of his brilliant grand strategy and dexterous diplomatic moves:

– Godfathering the Sino-Russian partnership that, for the first time since Genghis Khan built the Mongol empire, has brought peace and stability across Eurasia from Belarus to Beijing – and beyond.
– Acting decisively to end the long civil war in Afghanistan
– Paving the way for a conciliation between China and India.
– Resolving the bitter confrontation between Iran and Saudi Arabia – thereby, putting balm on the historic Sunni-Shi’ite wounds.
– Permanently settling the simmering dispute over the Nordstrom II pipeline
– Facilitating the Polish-Ukrainian burying the hatchet of their historical antagonisms over the past 500 years*
– Further consolidating the entente between Brazil and Argentina – the two great South American rivals
– Fostering an unprecedented bipartisan consensus on a strategy to protect the Rules Based International Order against threat from rogue states like Russia & China
– Ensuring that Belarus no longer be caught between the European Union and Russia competing for influence and allegiance
– Setting an example for humane handling of immigrant flows by allowing the political marketplace to distribute them on a cost-efficient basis
– Easing tensions between Japan and South Korea by yoking them together to combat China and Russia in East Asia
– Taking steps to mend fences with Venezuela by politely requesting that it resume exporting to the U.S. its heavy crude in exchange for payment drawn from the country’s reserves frozen by the Federal Reserve and the Bank of England
– Stabilizing the nuclear arms control regime via the reinforcement of mutual deterrence by committing a trillion dollars to developing hypersonic ICBMs that match Russia’s

Quite a record of accomplishment – deserving the Nobel Prize with Oak Clusters.

My informant now tells me that the Nobel committee is deeply disturbed by the sudden and drastic deterioration in relations between Kiev and Warsaw. Apparently, ultra-nationalist leaders in the two capitals have succumbed to the atavistic instinct to bury the hatchet in each other. Hence, the committee is hastening to correct the award certificate to read: “Facilitating the Polish-Ukrainian burying the hatchet of their historical antagonisms for the past 500 years – for an unprecedented 18 months”*

My source has added that, in a singular gesture of respect, the Nobel Committe chairman will come to Washington in order personally to escort Biden to Oslo. Evidently there is concern that otherwise the President might show up in Stockholm readying himself to receive the Nobel Economics prize. Biden also was counseled to bring along Kamala Harris – just in case.


Michael Brenner